Happy Kitteh Mother's Day

Kitteh trouble

Because I is a cat and I cans not read time, the batman almost missed the most important day of the year - Kitteh Mother's Day. It is a lot like Human Mother's Day but comes a week and a day later and is only celebrated by the batman and his long lost siblings, the Krissy, the Lucas, and the late Warren. In honor of Kitteh Mother's day, the batman would like to honor his Kitteh mother, Hope, by telling her "tail" and using pictures found on the internets.

The Hope didn't have a name when she escaped. She left when she was very young because the man and woman who looked after her, smoked a lot of crack, fed her dog poop, and called her very mean names (none of which she liked). To escape the abuse, she bravely set out on her own to find a man and woman who would keeps her 4-eva. She spent much time on the mean streets of the Land of Dryness in the hot summer of 2006. She had to learn to become a master hunter because food was scarce and there were no humans to feed her. She had many close calls with pit-bulls and other ugly poop dogs but always escaped by the fur of her tail. After a while she met and fell in love with a handsome, young, street-wise tabby cat named Kitteh Federline. But after a single night of unforgettable romance, he left, and Hope never saw him again.

Hope and her kittehs

Soon she discovered that she was with kitteh, and was having a difficult time finding enough food to feed five. She became infested with flees and started getting very thin. But, when all hope seemed lost, she stumbled upon a man and a woman who took her in, cleaned her up, and fed her real kitteh food. Even though the man and woman had two other kittehs already, they adopted her and named her Hope. Shortly after is when the four Hope kittehs was born, the batman being the youngest and handsomest.

In the next few months she taught the batman how to hunt, use the poop box, and tear up carpet. These are all skills the batman has since mastered. But time with Hope had to be short because in this part of the Land of Dryness it was illegal to have so many kittehs, though it is NOT illegal to own an ugly, killer pit-bull poop dog.

One by one the man and the woman gaves us homes. A little human girl fells in love with the batman's only sister and named her Krissy. She was the first to go. But before she left, the man and woman had a man and woman friend who took care of us for a little bit. This new man and woman were funny and loveable and they gaves us all names. I gots the name the batman because I is black, I is brave, and I cans fly (no, the batman cans not fly like a bird, but cans flys like a batman). This new man and woman named us Warren, Lucas, and the batman and took us home with them. Because they knew that it was illegal to have too many kitteh's in the Land of Dryness, they found Lucas a new home. Little did the man and woman know that this other man and woman was very very stupid and ignored the Lucas. My man and woman plotted a cat-napping attempt to get the Lucas back, but it was unsuccessful. Eventually the stupid man and woman moved away and gaves the Lucas to a family that loves him very very much. The Lucas is happily living somewhere here in the Land of Dryness. The batman wonders if he too is a master hunter and cans fly.

Ferocious Hope Kitteh

After we turns a years old, the Warren got very very sick and died. He was the bravest and smartest kitteh of us all and I misses him. But then I gots a new little brother kitteh named the Beatty Cat. He was like the Hope and did not have good humans to feed and take care of him. So the batman adopted the Beatty Cat and tells him that the Hope cans be his mother too, because she is loving and brave.

The Hope now lives in the Land of Trees with her man and woman, their human children, their two other handsome kittehs and she is very happy with them. Someday the batman will see her again and gives her a big kitteh hug.

Thank you mother for being brave and teaching the batman to use the poop box and tear up carpet. The batman, the Krissy, the Lucas, the late Warren, and the Beatty Cat all miss you.

Happy Kitteh Mother's day.