Pit-bulls and the Cone of Shame

The Chopper

 I is watching out for the Chopper. It seems like a nice poop dog because he does not try to eats the woman and he does not smell like poop. But the batman is ever watchful because the Chopper is still a pit-bull and is named the Chopper, which means he chops. The batman does not know if this means karate chops like the Daniel Laruso, or like the Paul Teutul Chopper. The man assures the batman that the Chopper does not know karate and cannot drive human machines. The batman is not so sure, so I is watching.

The Cone of Shame

The Chopper is also a boy pit-bull and not a girl pit-bull like the evil one that tried to eat the woman. But, like the batman, he has had his gonads surgically removed, and now the Chopper wears a cone of shame. Though the Chopper is a ferocious pit-bull, the batman sympathies for him. The man says that the Chopper will get over it and will eventually forget that he ever had them. I plan to see how the man thinks it feels when he is sleeping in the bed tonight and the batman uses his claws to surgically remove his gonads. And then I hides them, probably in the poop box where the man will never finds them because he is lazy and only cleans it once a week. Then we shall see how the man feels.

REVENGE!

But then I thinks that maybe it is too harsh. The man has been kind to the batman by giving him food and warmness. And I thinks that the woman would be very sad too and not loves the batman anymore. Yes, it is too harsh. Instead, the batman will continue to let the Beatty Cat sleep upon the bed with the batman so he can licks the man's face and wakes him up. That is a more better plan. I wills just continue to watch the Chopper so he does not eats the woman. The batman is not afraid.

The batman for President

The batman continues to grow in fame around the world. The i is batman blog has been viewed by humans on the internets in Malaysia, Singapore, China, Russia, the United Kingdom, and Canada. I know what you is thinking, you is thinking that maybe it is kittehs on the interents that are viewing the i is batman blog and not humans. Silly humans, kittehs cans not use computers. "But," you say, "the batman is a kitteh and he is using the computers to access the internets." If you are smart enough to say this, than you is not a brilliant human and you needs to get an educations. Kitteh cans not type. They paws is 2 big. Except for maybe the Beatty Cat, who excels at the Excel. He his a smrt kitteh.

The batman for the President

The batman does not wish to be famous because he cans not become more awesome than he is. Although, the batman has been thinking of using fame to run for the kitteh President of the United States with the Beatyy Cat as the Vice kitteh President. I cans be the first kitteh President! The batman would be purrrrfect because he has no need for the money the corporations will pay to do what they want. Instead, the batman would use the money to helps the humans with no jobs. The man comes home sometimes very angry about the Sociology class at the UVU. He tells me he learned that in 2008 the John McCain* and the Barrack Obama* raised more than $1billion so they could convince humans to vote for them. The man says that large human corporations contributed hundreds of millions to this cause (McCain, Obama)*. This makes the batman angry because he thinks that the corporations could use this money to gives work to the humans with no jobs.

The ugly man and the batman.

Unfortunately, the batman has no money to hires help and does not like taking money from humans, so maybe this dream of being the first kitteh President is unrealistic. The man thinks that I should stick to hunting birds and watching for pit-bulls. He says that I is good at that. And he says that no one would listen to the batman because all they would hear is "Meow." But the batman wants to helps the humans with no jobs. They is usually good and friendly humans who are nice to kittehs and who have been pooped on by the human political system. But the batman knows that he cans do nothing. He is just a kitteh and when he tries to tell the humans to stop being stupid and rolling in their own poop - like the Poop Dog - they is not listening. They wills not listen to the man either because he is poor and ugly. He is not famous and handsome like the batman.

I guess I is happy to be a kitteh. I has a good life.

And the UVU has blocked the i is batman blog again. Do not let the batman be censored. 

*learn more about campaign contributions @ opensecrets.org
Tell them the batman sent you.

I cans not wear glasses and the Warrior Pit-bull Fighting Team

The i is batman blog has officially reached over 100 views since the creation. Also, the batman has become part of  the Facebook and has received 5 likes. The batman does not know what these mean because he cans not count. He is just a kitteh. But the man assures the batman they is good and that I is famous. The batman does not no how to handle the fame, but you cans be sure that he will continue to be the cute, humble kitteh you have all comes to love. But, sadly, the batman cans never become too famous or even make money off the i is batman blog because the man says that the DC Comics could sue him. The batman has respect for the DC Comics, and I does not wish to be sued. I has no money. The batman makes a living waking up humans with his excessive meowing early in the morning and hunting the spring birds as they wrestle in the grass. These jobs do not pay money, they pay in awesomeness. The DC comics cannot sue me for awesomeness and they does not need anymore awesomeness, though some say they is not as awesome as the Marvel Comics. The batman does not know about the Marvel Comics because they do not feature his favorite super hero, the Superman. The batman stays humble like the Superman, though I does not bother with a secret identity. I is not a super hero either and I cans not wear glasses.

The batman keeping watch

The batman did once help save the women from a pit-bull attack with the help of the Warrior Pit-bull Fighting Team! One day the women and the Chili Dog went for a walk in the darkness. The batman sees the pit-bull coming for the woman and says to the Poop Dog, "Hey, Poop Dog, scream annoyingly to get the man's attention!" Although it sounded more like, "Meow," that is what I says. So the Poop Dog screams and the man runs up the stairs. He sees the Chili Dog engaged in a vicious battle with the pit-bull, protecting the woman from the slobber and teeth, and the man runs outside to the rescue. The man loves the woman very much and throws himself on the pit-bull and wrestles it to the ground. This is how the man has come to be known by me and the rest of the Warrior Pit-bull Fighting Team as the pit-bull wrestler. If anyone asks if the man is brave, I tells them, "He wrestles freaking pit-bulls," though it sounds more like, "Meow." Anyway, the Warrior Pit-bull Fighting Team saves the woman from the pit-bull and it now spends its days locked in a rusted old machine where it cans not hurt the woman. We is a success.

To be fare to pit-bulls, they is not all ugly and mean. A new pit-bull has moved into the batman's hood. His name is Chopper. At first, the Warrior Pit-bull Fighting Team was cautious, cause he is a pit-bull. But it is friendly and lets the woman pet him and does not try to eat her. The batman still keeps his distance, unsure if the pit-bull is not just waiting for the perfect moment to chew on her head.

So I sits, waits, and sleeps, watching for the pit-bulls and to launch the Warrior Pit-bull Fighting Team into action. But until then, I wills stay humble and try not to get sued because I is famous, and because I has a tail. The batman thinks that the Superman should has a tail. He is an alien and aliens sometimes has tails. I has seen them.

i is the batman, now on the Facebook

The batman is now on the Facebook. From there I hopes to spread the word of awesomeness throughout the internets. Just type in the batman and become my friend. Even if you has no tail. Do not fear the batman.

Boston - The Chili Dog

Yesterday, the big poop dog - also known as the Boston - jumped on the man as he was finishing his chili and the man dropped the plate on the Boston's butt. True story. From now on the batman will refer to the big poop dog as "The Chili Dog" and the little poop dog as "The Poop Dog" because she roles in poop. The batman will never let them live it down. They is stupid.
Did the batman ever tell you the Chili Dog's tale. Well, he has no tail, he has a stub, but I will still tell you his tale.

Chili Dog

The Chili Dog came to us in 2009 when the batman was living at The Farm here in the Land of the Dryness. The man says that his full name is "Boston Ace Ender Thrice (Maximus) - Chili Dog." They settled for just Boston, which is actually short for Bosstone, like The Mighty Mighty Bosstones. The man says he is also a Red Sox fan. But the batman does not follow baseball, he just follows the Jimmer.

The Chili Dog does not run away and go on adventures like the Beatty Cat and the Poop Dog.  The Chili Dog is more like the batman and stays at home because he knows that that is where the good food is. But, unlike the batman, the Chili Dog is a mutant. He is a rat terrier dog like the Poop Dog but mixed with the secret Ooooooze like the Ninja Turtles, except he is not a ninja. But the Chili Dog has learnt how to jump the gate that separates the dogs from the kittehs. This has the batman worried, as the Chili dog has invaded the batman's batcave. But he is cool, he does not eat from the poop box like the Poop Dog does. The Chili Dog can also run very very fast, even faster than the batman. He protects the women from pit-bulls too. Together, the man and the Chili dog are pit-bull fighting machines. They is warriors.

We all do our parts to protect the woman from pit-bulls. They like to eats her. The batman and the Beatty Cat are the lookouts, when they is not sleeping. The Poop Dog is the alarm, and the man and the Chili Dog are the fighters. We is an awesome pit-bull fighting team.

The Chili Dog still has chili on his butt.