The Mighty Hunter and the Beatty Spy

The Mighty Hunter

Since the batman was a little kitteh, I has been a mighty hunter. From the early moments of life when the Mother Hope taught us to hunt and attack the carpet, to the present when I hunt and "think about" attacking the dangerous pit-bull. But this new threat, that of the dodgeball, calls for drastic measures. Although the batman remains a most vital component of the Warrior Pit-Bull Dodgeball Fighting Team, I has decided to form a special elite unit which will focus on the eradication of dodgeballs. In the winter months, the batman and the Beatty cat work effectiviely as watch-outs from the comfort of warm beds within the house. But in the summer months we finds it vital to be on the offensive. This new elite unit is yet to has a name. The batman is open to suggestions.

You're doing it wrong

As a sidekick the batman has selected the Beatty cat. I is currently teaching him how to drive the batmanmobile, but he is doing it wrong. The Beatty cat is very good with computers and he excels at Excel, but he is not a driver. So maybe the elite team will consist of only the batman, or maybe I wills sends out the Beatty cat on intelligence missions, like a spy. Beatty cat would be a good spy. Though he is a ascared of everything, he is sneaky. And if discovered, he is very good at running away. He may be fat and he may be fluffy, but he is very sneaky. The batman has taught him everything he knows. The Beatty cat has also learned how to be good with the lady kittehs, just like the James Bond. Maybe he can use his fluffy charm to obtain information from the lady kittehs about possible dodgeball invasions. That is how the James Bond does it. The Beatty cat is a very useful kitteh. He makes a goods spy.

The Man is a Pirate

Sometimes the man and the woman ignore the dangers of the outside and wonder beyond the protection of the Warrior Pit-bull Fighting Team. When this happens the man acts as a traveling bodyguard for the woman, protecting her from ugly pit-bulls and horny BYU freshman.But a new threat has emerged; one so violent and unexpected that there was no time to react until it was too late. There was nothing the woman could do but stand there and watch as the man came under attack by this frightening new enemy.

Rrrrrrrrrrrrr...

The dodgeball. Now the man is a pirate.

The Warrior Pit-bull Fighting Team now has a new responsibility to protect the man against dodgeballs.  We is now called the Warrior Pit-bull Dodgeball Fighting Team, or the WPBDFT. The team, consisting of the batman and Beatty Cat as lookouts when they is not sleeping, the Poop Dog as the alarm, and the Chili Dog as the fast and furious muscle. Although non of the members of the WPBDFT know what a dodgeball is, including the batman, we is determined to protect the man and the woman from becoming even more piratier.

The batman thinks that the man actually wanted to become a pirate because of the new pirate movie which I is a fan of. But the man insists that he does not want to be a pirate. He says it is hard to ride the batmanmobile as a pirate because he cannot see if there are bad drivers coming at him from his left side. The man also says that it is hard to stay awake in calculus class because one eye is already closed.

And because the man feels real stupid about being a pirate, the batman will honor him by giving a list of pirates that were wicked cool like him.

The Captain Jack Sparrow

The first pirate is the batman's favorite, the Captain Jack Sparrow pirate. He is so cool they mades movies about him. Some the batman enjoyed, some I dids not. But the Captain Jack Sparrow pirate is so cool that someone on the internets has a picture of him tatooed on their human flesh. That means the Captain Jack Sparrow is awesome.

Another famous pirate is the Captain Blackbeard. The batman does not know much about him because he is not in 2 1/2 awesome movies like the Captain Jack Sparrow. But he must be cool because he has smoke coming out of his ears. How cool is that?  (6/21/11 - The batman has removed the Captain Blackbeard picture because it is drawing very strange people to the i is batman blog.)










The last cool pirate is known as the Captain Kid. This picture is proof of his coolness. In fact, because the batman now knows the meaning of Gay, I cans honestly say that the Captain Kid is very gay.

GAY
–adjective

1. having or showing a merry, lively mood: gay spirits; gay music. 

 - The Captain Kid looks like a merry and lively pirate. Yes, he is gay.

2. bright or showy: gay colors; gay ornaments.

 - The Captain Kid is bright and showy. Yes, he is gay.

 

3. given to or abounding in social or other pleasures: a gay social season.

 - Because he is mostly shirtless and very muscular, the batman says that this qualifies. Yes, he is gay.

 

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4. licentious; dissipated; wanton: The baron is a gay old rogue with an eye for the ladies.

 - The batman looked up these words. Yes, he is definitely gay.

 

5. homosexual

- The batman looked this word up as well and does not know if the Captain Kid agrees with this lifestyle.   Maybe, he is gay, not that there's anything wrong with that.

6. of, indicating, or supporting homosexual  interests or issues: a gay organization.

 - Maybe he does and maybe he does not. The batman would have to ask him. Maybe, he is gay.

The batman's math says that 4 YESs beats out 2 MAYBEs. The Captain Kid is definitely gay.

So the man should be proud to be among the awesome pirates that have come before him. If they is in movies, have smoke coming out of their ears, or they is gay, the man is in good company. Though, the batman must admit that he thoughts these famous pirates would have eye patches like the man but they does not. Maybe the man is not a pirate. Maybe he is just silly looking.

I is and is not Gay.

What does gay mean?

There have been many rumors about the batman that I is gay. Even though I does not know what this means, I thinks it is the woman and the Beatty cat that have been spreading these rumors via this picture of the Beatty cat and the batman trying to stay warm together. It has become time for the batman to put these rumors to rest once and for all.
In a way, the batman is very gay and in other ways I is not. Let's look at the definition of GAY as per the dictionary.com 

GAY
–adjective

1. having or showing a merry, lively mood: gay spirits; gay music. 

 - The batman is a merry, lively kitteh. Yes, I is gay.

 

2. bright or showy: gay colors; gay ornaments.

 - The batman is not bright or showy. No, I is not gay.

 

3. given to or abounding in social or other pleasures: a gay social season.

 - ... sure. Yes, I is gay.

 

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4. licentious; dissipated; wanton: The baron is a gay old rogue with an eye for the ladies.

 - The batman does not know what this means. No, I is not gay.

 

5. homosexual

- The dictionary.com uses big words that the batman does not understand. No, I is not gay.

 

6. of, indicating, or supporting homosexual  interests or issues: a gay organization.

 - The batman supports the interest of the Warrior Pit-bull Fighting Team and none else. No, I is not gay.

I is a clean kitteh

The batman is not very good at counting because I is a kitteh, but it looks like 4 "NOs" and only 2 "YESs." If the batman has not purrrformed correct math please let him know. So, this experiment means that the batman is not gay. Now the woman can stop spreading silly rumors about the batman because I has proven it. Here is another picture that proves the batman is not gay. See, I is a clean kitteh, not a gay kitteh.

In other news, the world dids not end like the very old man purrdicted. He says that he changed his mind and that it will happen on the October 21 instead. This is soon after the batman turns 5 human years old which (according to this kitteh calculator) is 37 kitteh years. I is very old. Happy Birthday to the batman...in September.

The End of the World...4 Realz This Time

This is proof

Breaking News: The batman has learnt that the end of the world is tomorrow. See, this picture proves it. The batman has done much research on the internets about the end of the world. The very old man who is saying this will happen is totally for realz. He once predicted the end of the world to come in 1994, a long time before the batman was born, but it dids not happen. But he is for realz this time cause he is super smart. He is probably the super smartest guy on the planet.

So I asks the man what he was doing to prepare for the end of the world. He said that he was storing food and that is why he has so many pets. I does not know what this means but he was looking at the batman very funny. I asks him if he is a good hunter like the batman and he says he doesn't have to be and then looks at the batman funny again. The man is very strange sometimes. I also asks the man if the world will ends tomorrow and he says that he hopes it happens before his next calculus test. I doesn't not know what this means either but he looked very very serious.

Raptors are friendly?

But the batman is preparing for the end of the world. The very old man on the internets says that raptors will come and save the believers. The batman does not understands what dinosaurs have to do with the end of the world but he is kind of ascared. I reads a picture book about them once and they has big teeth. The man says that there are no dinosaurs and that if there were, we has a neighbor who has lots o guns that he cans shoots the dinosaurs with. The batman thinks that they would be afraid of the ugly pit-bull next store and run away. But how cans the batman be saved if the raptors don't come for him? The man does not act like he believes, and the batman is not so sure either. But what if it is 4 realz? What if there are dinosaurs and the very old man is right? And I know there are dinosaurs cuz I seen them in a movie once where they is eating people. I hope these raptors are more friendly, like in the picture. He is playing basketball. They has to be friendly if they is to save us.

The very old man does not say if kittehs will be saved or not. I bets I is saved. I is a good kitteh. But the batman is not afraid, even if the raptors do not come. I has lived a good life. I has protected the man and the woman from wrestling birds and ugly pit-bulls and I has kept them warm at night when they is cold. And I has torn up there carpets just like the mother Hope taught me. And I does not think the pit-bulls will be saved. I thinks the raptors will eats them, even though they probably taste like poop. And maybe they cans teach the batman how to play basketball...

Happy Kitteh Mother's Day

Kitteh trouble

Because I is a cat and I cans not read time, the batman almost missed the most important day of the year - Kitteh Mother's Day. It is a lot like Human Mother's Day but comes a week and a day later and is only celebrated by the batman and his long lost siblings, the Krissy, the Lucas, and the late Warren. In honor of Kitteh Mother's day, the batman would like to honor his Kitteh mother, Hope, by telling her "tail" and using pictures found on the internets.

The Hope didn't have a name when she escaped. She left when she was very young because the man and woman who looked after her, smoked a lot of crack, fed her dog poop, and called her very mean names (none of which she liked). To escape the abuse, she bravely set out on her own to find a man and woman who would keeps her 4-eva. She spent much time on the mean streets of the Land of Dryness in the hot summer of 2006. She had to learn to become a master hunter because food was scarce and there were no humans to feed her. She had many close calls with pit-bulls and other ugly poop dogs but always escaped by the fur of her tail. After a while she met and fell in love with a handsome, young, street-wise tabby cat named Kitteh Federline. But after a single night of unforgettable romance, he left, and Hope never saw him again.

Hope and her kittehs

Soon she discovered that she was with kitteh, and was having a difficult time finding enough food to feed five. She became infested with flees and started getting very thin. But, when all hope seemed lost, she stumbled upon a man and a woman who took her in, cleaned her up, and fed her real kitteh food. Even though the man and woman had two other kittehs already, they adopted her and named her Hope. Shortly after is when the four Hope kittehs was born, the batman being the youngest and handsomest.

In the next few months she taught the batman how to hunt, use the poop box, and tear up carpet. These are all skills the batman has since mastered. But time with Hope had to be short because in this part of the Land of Dryness it was illegal to have so many kittehs, though it is NOT illegal to own an ugly, killer pit-bull poop dog.

One by one the man and the woman gaves us homes. A little human girl fells in love with the batman's only sister and named her Krissy. She was the first to go. But before she left, the man and woman had a man and woman friend who took care of us for a little bit. This new man and woman were funny and loveable and they gaves us all names. I gots the name the batman because I is black, I is brave, and I cans fly (no, the batman cans not fly like a bird, but cans flys like a batman). This new man and woman named us Warren, Lucas, and the batman and took us home with them. Because they knew that it was illegal to have too many kitteh's in the Land of Dryness, they found Lucas a new home. Little did the man and woman know that this other man and woman was very very stupid and ignored the Lucas. My man and woman plotted a cat-napping attempt to get the Lucas back, but it was unsuccessful. Eventually the stupid man and woman moved away and gaves the Lucas to a family that loves him very very much. The Lucas is happily living somewhere here in the Land of Dryness. The batman wonders if he too is a master hunter and cans fly.

Ferocious Hope Kitteh

After we turns a years old, the Warren got very very sick and died. He was the bravest and smartest kitteh of us all and I misses him. But then I gots a new little brother kitteh named the Beatty Cat. He was like the Hope and did not have good humans to feed and take care of him. So the batman adopted the Beatty Cat and tells him that the Hope cans be his mother too, because she is loving and brave.

The Hope now lives in the Land of Trees with her man and woman, their human children, their two other handsome kittehs and she is very happy with them. Someday the batman will see her again and gives her a big kitteh hug.

Thank you mother for being brave and teaching the batman to use the poop box and tear up carpet. The batman, the Krissy, the Lucas, the late Warren, and the Beatty Cat all miss you.

Happy Kitteh Mother's day.

I is a Mighty Rock Formation

The Land of Dryness has many wonders. All of them is dry. The batman recently sent out a recon team to explore the Land of Dryness and to gather information that might make the i is batman blog more interesting to both humans and kittehs. The Awesome Human Recon Team found this rock formation down in the Bryce Canyon. This is a picture of the batman engraved in stone. How do I knows that this is the batman? Evidence.

The rock solid kitteh

Fact #1 - The rock kitteh has a tail, just like the batman.

Fact #2 - The rock formation was carved over millions of years by the power of awesomeness, just like the batman.

Fact #3 - It is very clean, just like the batman.

Fact #4 - It is rock solid, just like the batman.

Now that I has proven my point, the batman wants to point out that he does not wish anyone to worship it. The batman will always be a humble little kitteh who does not need the admiration of humans. The batman likes humans too and thinks that some of them is very awesome, but he does not worship them. Even when the batman becomes the first Kitteh President, he does not want to be worshiped. Presidents should not be worshiped no matter how cute they are and no matter how many important bad guys they kills and no matter how many wars they start. The batman has stopped many pit-bulls from eating the woman and killed many wrestling birds that could poop on his dwelling, but he still does not wish for praise. The batman just thought that this was interesting.

If you has pictures that would make the i is batman blog more awesome, please send them to iamthebatman06@gmail.com.