The End of the World...4 Realz This Time

This is proof

Breaking News: The batman has learnt that the end of the world is tomorrow. See, this picture proves it. The batman has done much research on the internets about the end of the world. The very old man who is saying this will happen is totally for realz. He once predicted the end of the world to come in 1994, a long time before the batman was born, but it dids not happen. But he is for realz this time cause he is super smart. He is probably the super smartest guy on the planet.

So I asks the man what he was doing to prepare for the end of the world. He said that he was storing food and that is why he has so many pets. I does not know what this means but he was looking at the batman very funny. I asks him if he is a good hunter like the batman and he says he doesn't have to be and then looks at the batman funny again. The man is very strange sometimes. I also asks the man if the world will ends tomorrow and he says that he hopes it happens before his next calculus test. I doesn't not know what this means either but he looked very very serious.

Raptors are friendly?

But the batman is preparing for the end of the world. The very old man on the internets says that raptors will come and save the believers. The batman does not understands what dinosaurs have to do with the end of the world but he is kind of ascared. I reads a picture book about them once and they has big teeth. The man says that there are no dinosaurs and that if there were, we has a neighbor who has lots o guns that he cans shoots the dinosaurs with. The batman thinks that they would be afraid of the ugly pit-bull next store and run away. But how cans the batman be saved if the raptors don't come for him? The man does not act like he believes, and the batman is not so sure either. But what if it is 4 realz? What if there are dinosaurs and the very old man is right? And I know there are dinosaurs cuz I seen them in a movie once where they is eating people. I hope these raptors are more friendly, like in the picture. He is playing basketball. They has to be friendly if they is to save us.

The very old man does not say if kittehs will be saved or not. I bets I is saved. I is a good kitteh. But the batman is not afraid, even if the raptors do not come. I has lived a good life. I has protected the man and the woman from wrestling birds and ugly pit-bulls and I has kept them warm at night when they is cold. And I has torn up there carpets just like the mother Hope taught me. And I does not think the pit-bulls will be saved. I thinks the raptors will eats them, even though they probably taste like poop. And maybe they cans teach the batman how to play basketball...

Happy Kitteh Mother's Day

Kitteh trouble

Because I is a cat and I cans not read time, the batman almost missed the most important day of the year - Kitteh Mother's Day. It is a lot like Human Mother's Day but comes a week and a day later and is only celebrated by the batman and his long lost siblings, the Krissy, the Lucas, and the late Warren. In honor of Kitteh Mother's day, the batman would like to honor his Kitteh mother, Hope, by telling her "tail" and using pictures found on the internets.

The Hope didn't have a name when she escaped. She left when she was very young because the man and woman who looked after her, smoked a lot of crack, fed her dog poop, and called her very mean names (none of which she liked). To escape the abuse, she bravely set out on her own to find a man and woman who would keeps her 4-eva. She spent much time on the mean streets of the Land of Dryness in the hot summer of 2006. She had to learn to become a master hunter because food was scarce and there were no humans to feed her. She had many close calls with pit-bulls and other ugly poop dogs but always escaped by the fur of her tail. After a while she met and fell in love with a handsome, young, street-wise tabby cat named Kitteh Federline. But after a single night of unforgettable romance, he left, and Hope never saw him again.

Hope and her kittehs

Soon she discovered that she was with kitteh, and was having a difficult time finding enough food to feed five. She became infested with flees and started getting very thin. But, when all hope seemed lost, she stumbled upon a man and a woman who took her in, cleaned her up, and fed her real kitteh food. Even though the man and woman had two other kittehs already, they adopted her and named her Hope. Shortly after is when the four Hope kittehs was born, the batman being the youngest and handsomest.

In the next few months she taught the batman how to hunt, use the poop box, and tear up carpet. These are all skills the batman has since mastered. But time with Hope had to be short because in this part of the Land of Dryness it was illegal to have so many kittehs, though it is NOT illegal to own an ugly, killer pit-bull poop dog.

One by one the man and the woman gaves us homes. A little human girl fells in love with the batman's only sister and named her Krissy. She was the first to go. But before she left, the man and woman had a man and woman friend who took care of us for a little bit. This new man and woman were funny and loveable and they gaves us all names. I gots the name the batman because I is black, I is brave, and I cans fly (no, the batman cans not fly like a bird, but cans flys like a batman). This new man and woman named us Warren, Lucas, and the batman and took us home with them. Because they knew that it was illegal to have too many kitteh's in the Land of Dryness, they found Lucas a new home. Little did the man and woman know that this other man and woman was very very stupid and ignored the Lucas. My man and woman plotted a cat-napping attempt to get the Lucas back, but it was unsuccessful. Eventually the stupid man and woman moved away and gaves the Lucas to a family that loves him very very much. The Lucas is happily living somewhere here in the Land of Dryness. The batman wonders if he too is a master hunter and cans fly.

Ferocious Hope Kitteh

After we turns a years old, the Warren got very very sick and died. He was the bravest and smartest kitteh of us all and I misses him. But then I gots a new little brother kitteh named the Beatty Cat. He was like the Hope and did not have good humans to feed and take care of him. So the batman adopted the Beatty Cat and tells him that the Hope cans be his mother too, because she is loving and brave.

The Hope now lives in the Land of Trees with her man and woman, their human children, their two other handsome kittehs and she is very happy with them. Someday the batman will see her again and gives her a big kitteh hug.

Thank you mother for being brave and teaching the batman to use the poop box and tear up carpet. The batman, the Krissy, the Lucas, the late Warren, and the Beatty Cat all miss you.

Happy Kitteh Mother's day.

I is a Mighty Rock Formation

The Land of Dryness has many wonders. All of them is dry. The batman recently sent out a recon team to explore the Land of Dryness and to gather information that might make the i is batman blog more interesting to both humans and kittehs. The Awesome Human Recon Team found this rock formation down in the Bryce Canyon. This is a picture of the batman engraved in stone. How do I knows that this is the batman? Evidence.

The rock solid kitteh

Fact #1 - The rock kitteh has a tail, just like the batman.

Fact #2 - The rock formation was carved over millions of years by the power of awesomeness, just like the batman.

Fact #3 - It is very clean, just like the batman.

Fact #4 - It is rock solid, just like the batman.

Now that I has proven my point, the batman wants to point out that he does not wish anyone to worship it. The batman will always be a humble little kitteh who does not need the admiration of humans. The batman likes humans too and thinks that some of them is very awesome, but he does not worship them. Even when the batman becomes the first Kitteh President, he does not want to be worshiped. Presidents should not be worshiped no matter how cute they are and no matter how many important bad guys they kills and no matter how many wars they start. The batman has stopped many pit-bulls from eating the woman and killed many wrestling birds that could poop on his dwelling, but he still does not wish for praise. The batman just thought that this was interesting.

If you has pictures that would make the i is batman blog more awesome, please send them to iamthebatman06@gmail.com.

Selling out (for free) to the Too Late the Hero

The batman has officially sold out (for free) to the new and awesome rock band, the Too Late the Hero. The man says that they is a metal band from Maine, and that they is worth endorsing. He also says that their necks are not red and they do not drive pick-up trucks. I does not know what this means but I trust that the man is feeding the batman accurate information. I also does not know why they is metal. They does not look like robots like the Arnold Schwarzenegger. They is not buff or mean looking and they is not killing people. In fact, the batman thinks that they is nice looking guys. Look at the picture...they is smiling. Smiling means that they is happy. The man says that rock stars are not usually happy because they is traveling a lot and miss their families. He says that many rock stars do drugs and drink beer which ruin their careers and makes them mean robots. But the man says that the Too late the Hero is different. He says that they is real musicians who have worked hard to be awesome and that they deserve to be awesome. The batman will endorse their metalness, for free.

The batman likes to listen to their music when he is not sleeping, and when the man is blasting it in the house. The man dances sometimes and the batman thinks he is stupid, but the man says that the Too Late the Hero music is for dancing and that I should try dancing. The batman cans not dance because I has four legs. I will leave the dancing to the man...and the Chili Dog...he dances with the man sometimes.

Rock out to the Too Late the Hero and their metalness on the Facebook. And buy their new album the Statement of Purpose. Don't forget to stop by the batman's Facebook and like him. I needs more friends so I can become famous and run for the Kitteh President.

Rock on young robots. But please, do not do drugs or kill people.

The batmanmobile!

There are many things the batman cans not do. While I is a master hunter, a pit-bull watcher, and a contender for Kitteh President, I cans not drive a scooter. Maybe if the humans would make scooters small enough for kittehs like me I cans drive one. But they is big and I is small. That does not stop the batman from trying. I has been trying to get my kitteh paws on a human machine small enough for the batman so I may better fight the evil, ugly pit-bulls. I would call it "the batmanmobile!" I know, the batman has thought of that himself. I has kitteh dreams of prowling the streets at night, watching for the evil pit-bulls and bringing justice to edible humans everywhere, just like my favorite superhero, the Superman. Except, I cans not fly and I does not see in x-ray. But someday they will make a kitteh machine that I cans drive. "The batmanmobile" will be the greatest pit-bull fighting machine in the Land of Dryness. Although, then the batman will need a disguise or else he may not be able to run for Kitteh President when the time comes. Humans only like the fake superheroes. The real kind gets arrested.

The Poop Dog wants to be a superhero like the batman but she cans not drive a scooter too. Also, she is much dumber than the batman which is why she rolls in poop. Someday, maybe, she shall be a sidekick. The batman and the Poop Dog! No, that would not work. We would be watching for pit-bulls and she will not see it because she is rolling in poop and the pit-bull will eats the woman. Then the man would be very sad and give the Poop Dog away. The batman stands up for the little Poop Dog though she licks him and smells bad. Maybe someday when the humans make "the batmanmobile" I shall teach the Poop Dog how to drive it. Except the Poop Dog will use it to escape and find more poop to roll in. The batman shall not teach the Poop Dog how to drive "the batmanmobile."

It has come to the batman's attention that in previous posts he has used the wrong "role" when discussing the Poop Dog's need to "roll" in poop. The woman tells the batman that he used "role" instead of "roll." The woman does not realize that the batman dids this on purpose to see if humans would notice. This prove that the woman is superior to all other humans, especially the man because he dids not see it. Long live the woman.

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