A New Threat

In the month of the September it will have been two years since the vicious pit-bull attack that left the Boston dog and the Woman maimed and shaken. This was the beginning of what came to be known as the Warrior Pit-bull Dodgeball Fighting Team, or the WPBDFT for short. Except for the dodgeball attack a few months later, the WPBDFT has kept the man and the woman safe from all things evil. But, now that they has a little human, a new threat has emerged.

At 1:30 in the AM just one earth week ago, the batman and the Beatty cat was patrolling the perimeter when it was breached by a shaggy, golden haired poop dog. At first the batman thinks it is a pit-bull, but Beatty cat says "No, it is too shaggy." But we's go into attack position.

Beatty cat strikes first and the shaggy poop dog timidly goes on the defensive. It moves quickly and strategically, pretending to act friendly like it is lost or just passing through. But the batman is not stupid and knows a sneak attack when he sees it.

The batman strikes next, lunging at the shaggy poop dog who helplessly backs into a corner. It is trapped with nowhere to go. From inside the house the Boston and the Smelly dog sound the alarm and wakes up the man and the woman. The batman and the Beatty cat hold off the shaggy dog until the man cans come outside. We kittehs retreat as the man grabs the shaggy dog. The man checks the identification around the shaggy dog's neck and leads it away. The man eventually comes back unharmed and without the shaggy dog. Then the man goes inside and goes back to sleep.

Another success for the WPBDFT. The man, the woman, and the little human are safe.

Until next time.

The shaggy dog.

The Evie: The Little Human

The little human = cute

The last "i is batman" post was in the month of October of the year 2011. But I is back by popular demand. First up, the humans has a new pet. It is a little human that they have named The Evie. Do not confuse this with The Eva - AKA: The Poop dog. The difference between the two? The Evie poops in a "diaper," but The Eva rolls in poop. The Evie drools, but The Eva is just stupid. And the Evie is a little human, whereas The Eva is just a little poop dog. See, big difference.

The little dog = stupid

The Batman does not mind The Evie. Yes, The Evie screams a lot and sometimes grabs onto the delicate and soft fur of the batman, but it does not lick the face of the batman like the poop dog does. And it does not chase the batman across the yard like the poop dog does. And it does not smell as bad as the poop dog. The humans like to smell good, even the little human. The woman puts lotion on the little human so that it does not smell bad. The woman does not lotion the poop dog, so it continues to smell like poop.

But the Evie is a welcome addition to the family. It makes the man and the woman very happy. I know because I sees them smile a lot. The batman wants a little human too, or the kitteh equivalent of one. But the man has chopped off the batman's special bits that gives the batman special mojo powers. This makes the batman sad. But, don't worry, someday the man will pay.

Warren

Long live Warren. You are not forgotten, brother.
September 2006-October 2007

Songs About Rainbows

The batman was exploring the outsides the other day when I comes across a giant frog. Okay, no frogs actually live in the Land of Dryness but he said he was passing through on his way west to a land of sin, corruption, and bankruptcy. The frog was very big (for a frog) and carried around a stringed device that emits music when strummed. The man has a few of these devices and is not very good at using them. The Beatty cat runs away when the man starts strumming. But this frog starts talking to the batman in a weird melodic voice and  asks...

This is a rainbow

"Why are there so many songs about rainbows? What's on the other side?"

This gets the batman thinking that I does not know what a song it cuz I is a cat. Suddenly I realize that I am talking to a mutant frog and run away. So, later, I asks and says to the man, "Meow," and he says, "I can think of just two. One from the Wizard of Oz and the other from the Muppet Movie." The man asks the batman why I asks and I says, "Meow," and he explains that a rainbow is an optical and meteorological phenomenon that cause a spectrum of light to appear in the sky when the Sun shines on to droplets of moisture in the Earth's atmosphere. Thus anything can be at the end of a rainbow. I says, "Meow," again and then the man gives me food and I eat lunch.

I never did sees the giant mutant frog again. He may have been eaten by the ugly pit-bull next door. The batman does not know. I does not know if the ugly pit-bull likes to eat frogs. I does kind of wonder what frog tastes like, though, because someday the batman may chose to eat one. Or maybes I can trick the Cone Dog (with a K) to eat one, and then she would poop green. If the mutant frog ever comes back I cans tells him that there are only two songs about rainbows and that he should stop complaining about there being so many. If it was up to the batman, there would be a lot more songs about rainbows because the batman likes rainbows. If Chuck Norris was a rainbow, and your house was on the other side, it would probably burn down.

I hope the frog survived his journey west.

New Names and How to Outsmart a Cunning Terrier

In the wake of recent events, I has decided to change the names of both of the Poop Dogs. The little one - formally known as The Poop Dog - was renamed Cone Dog (with a K) in last week's episode. The big dog - formally known as Chili Dog - has hearby been renamed Puke Dog. 

The batman will now explain.

Okay, so maybe the batman does not want to explain because it is a little too gross for the many kitteh readers out there. Just know that the gruesome tail involves the big dog, vomit, and the man's bare feet. Story over.

In other news, despite the cone of shame the Cone Dog (with a K) has learned how to escape the back yard area. The man thoughts it was impossible, but the Cone Dog (with a K) has out smarted him...for now. The man is very smart too and just as determined, though he has better things to do than plot ways to stop the poop dog from digging under fences. The batman suggested locking her in a cage with the Beatty cat for an entire day. The Beatty cat is obviously opposed to this method of discipline and warns against its ineffectiveness. The batman thinks the results would be hilarious. I asked the Puke Dog what he thought about this and he just sniffed my face and then jumped around by the door for 10 minutes while the man made lunch. 

The batman is now hungry. The Beatty cat and I wills go catch birds before they flies away for the winter time months.